治療師隨筆 – Parenting Issue 

上個月突發性去了個兩天的retreat。

當中,觸及了一些parenting issues,我的、別人的…..

然後,我的結論是,無論當父母的如何盡心去照顧/陪伴/教養孩子,人人長大後都總會有自己的issues源於父或母或父和母。而我自己見case經驗來說,亦沒有遇過一個client的issue與原生家庭沒有關連的,即使童年如何快樂那一批,亦總有些糾結來自父母。

當時,我直接問facilitator,如果無論如何對待孩子他們都會覺得受到傷害,那麼做父母的該如何幫助他們,and not letting their true essence being covered?

Facilitator回答:you do not need to do anything. If you do anything on purpose, you will probably do more harm.

另一回合,我問另一個facilitator相似的問題(可見本人死chur唔放的特質,嘿!),facilitator回答:by doing your inner work. When the parents feel the Love, they are happy and they do not need to get love from their children. When parents are happy, the children are happy.

對,做父母的好容易將焦點轉移到孩子身上而忘記自己的需要,但原來其實做父母的更需要做好自己的inner work。有孩子,是人世間最intensive的spiritual特訓集中營,有意識無意識的問題都會炒埋一碟原汁原味天天奉上,你不能扮看不見扮不知道,你可以逃避不去面對,但aftermath就是create更大的issue和塑造另一個自己(mostly自己的黑暗面)去日日對住你和折磨你。所以,我覺得選擇做父母的,都是Spartan托世,有如死士般勇猛的靈魂。 (後來淆底不願學習自己的課題是後來的事,逃兵,總會有。)

因此,fellow parents,如果想子女心靈較健康地成長,首先,要顧掂自己個心。你的psychological wellbeing就是孩子的psychological wellbeing。

孩子揀得你做父母,自然有自己的soul plan,正如你揀自己的父母有自己想要學習的課題一樣,所以唔理得咁多,做好自己的inner work再算。

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